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Critique: Share a writing sample for review!

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adamdeangelo79
adamdeangelo79
2 days ago · joined the group.
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This is only a test...

Those Who Live by the Word

  

            As I awoke on New Year’s Day 2020, I felt my dreams scurrying away like mice to hide behind the wainscoting of my mind. In a moment of unusual clarity, it occurred to me that my thoughts were doing that more often of late, even when I was wide awake. A word, a name, a train of thought, would suddenly evaporate, leaving me helpless and grasping. I knew they were in there somewhere, hiding, but could I find them? Of course I couldn’t. There was no escaping the fact that my mind was beginning to wobble as I stumbled towards the finish line in the egg-and-spoon race of life.

 

            The night before, I had gone to bed early, sober, and alone, but not without first filling my tea-kettle. This nightly routine had become a touchstone for me, a tiny act…

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adamdeangelo79
2 days ago

Andy,

This is dynamite work - poignant, comical, charming, clever, and reflective. Your heartfelt short story, with its metatextual Easter egg referencing the writing group, beautifully depicts two equally conflicted people whose touchstone rituals and analogous longing for companionship come full circle in the makeshift garret.

I must admit, I had to look up a couple of words to fully capture the context (wainscoting and superannuated), but, hey, you just expanded my vocabulary - well done! (gracious bow) 😊 I noticed a gradual stylistic shift in your prose as it flowed. The opening paragraph carried a poetic, old-age lyrical quality that transformed into a more contemporary voice infused with aristocratic sophistication. It felt like a subtle nod to Anglophilia, as if you were inviting the reader to “Have a spot o’ tea, and sit beneath Big Ben.”

There are several comical gems that stood out throughout your short story. The majority, I felt, were in the letter to the Aspiring Authors, which I found to be pure gold! Some favorites include:

  • “Once again, the solution when it came to me was obvious: plagiarism.”

  • “Regrettably, however, I must correct my previous email telling you that you had won, the result of my inadvertently hitting ‘Reply All’. The statement on our website that ‘Every entrant will be a winner!’ was meant as hyperbole, not to be taken literally.”

  • “You should take a measure of encouragement from this.”

  • “Characters: I feel the character of your protagonist, ‘Tiny Tom,’ although developed in totally unexpected ways, is nonetheless somewhat derivative.”

  • “While the consequences of contracting COVID-19 (in Victorian times?)...”

  • “Tiny Tom’s success, his alcoholic parents turned their livers around?”

  • “I was incensed and outraged; what a nerve! Was there no honesty in the world anymore?”

The cyclical nature of the story, coming full circle with “Rich Widow,” was touching. It made me wonder, is this a playful take on cliché serendipity for humor’s sake, or is the submission actually from someone named “Rich Widow”? Either way you slice it, it works perfectly.

This piece highly reflects the nature of satire, cleverly capturing the trials of literary ambition (with just the right amount of mild insecurity and relatability) and the enduring portrait of the starving artist. It’s a breath of fresh air - a light, delightful read best enjoyed with a fine, richly textured well-garnished meal rather than the quick and easy soda and popcorn.

To think, “This is only a test...” for ‘Those Who Live by the Word’—if this is your test, I can only imagine what your full focus could achieve.

andyb
andyb
January 6, 2025 · joined the group.
45 Views
cbwreply
May 11, 2024 · added a group cover image.

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